My Mindset Mindfuck

I don’t think it’s much of a secret that lately I’ve been working on my mindset, how I see the world, and how I connect with the universe.

In order to step up, know your truth, and do what you’re meant to do, you’ve got to be plugged in to whatever source of wisdom that supplies your truth.

One truth that I’ve always laughed about, and lumped more into the personality flaw category is my drive and desire for money.

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been preparing to buy a house. I close on it in a week. For so many, this is such an exciting time.

Except, all I could think about up until a few days ago was “I’m going to see over $40k leave my bank account in one day. AND take on new debt.” I’ve been feeling pretty fucking poor.

Thankfully, the universe has provided some guide posts to help me navigate this and be able to be proactive about my positivity and view. I just didn’t realize how intentional I would need to be about everything this week. 

For the past year my husband and I have been talking about our second car. Because we work in the same building, we really don’t need a second car. We’re either out at our 9-5, home, or one of us is out doing our thing because the animals are needy and can’t be left alone. We’ve just never gotten around to it for a number of reasons, mainly because of the emotional attachment.

But, with our huge move coming up, driving two cars across country just doesn’t make sense for our situation. Especially since we’re working from home. And Fort Wayne has Uber. We would just be sitting on a depreciating asset.

So, Dean took the lead and started the process of selling the car. This alone was a sign from the universe. He loved his car. Then, we received an offer 2k higher than I was expecting. All signs point to do it, and I should have no nerves or angst about any of it, right? Yeah, but that’s not how life works…

Once the conversation got really real about selling the car, I had so.much.fucking.process work I needed to do. It hit me like a ton of bricks!  

  • “They’ll think I’m poor”
  • “This is an act of desperation”
  • “Why would anyone sell a paid off 2016 car?”

There were so many negative thoughts playing in my mind!

But, this was also what I wanted.

Back in April I set an intention to manifest 10k (beyond our standard household income) as a part of my personal Up and Away in 90 Days mindset challenge.  And here I was, coming up on 2 months into it,  the universe set up everything for me to exceed the 10k goal in one move.  

Except I was freaking the fuck out. I was processing with Dean, texting the bestie, journaling like a madwoman to get over my shit. I knew if I didn’t I would either end up not accepting the money, or accepting it with deep negativity.

The need to process was so surprising because being open and receptive to money, or rather, earning money, has constantly been a core value of mine. Hustle, close the deal, just do the things, those are core beliefs I have around money. But ever since this 90 day mindset challenge, I’ve really started to re-assess my idea of abundance and reframe how money comes to me.  

And, with being 50 days into my personal mindset challenge, I’ve already (ecstatically) received over $17k worth of unexpected cash/goods/services 

  • Selling the car-$11k
  • Roommate paid rent he didn’t pay in February-$300
  • House appraised over purchase price-$3k in instant equity
  • The seller stepping up and repairing more than we asked-$2k
  • Dean and I needing to unexpectedly travel for business to a close by city, allowing us to be present at closing (so not the original plan) and take care of some core house stuff before we drive out- $1000 

Not to mention all the found pennies, fees being removed from accounts, and the universe gifting non-monetary goods like a whole new denim wardrobe from a friend, (I easily saved over $500 accepting her old/new denim in every color and style instead of buying some new stuff.) and packing materials from coworkers (again, easily a savings of a couple hundred dollars).

In the past week, my mindset and worldview has been tested, challenged, and stretched in ways I never expected or thought possible.  I used to live with the mindset of “expect the worst, hope for the best” and “we’ll get through this no matter what.” 

While, generally more on the positive side than not, those mantras and stories were not doing anything except holding me back from the abundance waiting for me.

Over the past week I’ve gone from a place of feeling like I’m barely holding it together, emotionally and financially, to be in a place where I’m ready to take risks, dream big, and see what the world has for me.  

And, the best part is, this whole experience has a whole note course brewing in my mind that I can’t wait to develop and share. Because, seriously guys, this mindset/manifestation shit works. My goal and intention is to have it out right when I close out my personal Up and Away in 90 Days challenge.

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